Hilarious jokes for a maths geek

funny maths jokes that every maths geek will enjoy....

1.

Write the expression for the volume of a thick crust pizza with height "a" and radius "z".

Explanation: The formula for volume is π · (radius)2 ·( height). In this case, pi · z ·z ·a.

2.

A: "What is the integral of 1/cabin?"

B: "log cabin."

A: "Nope, houseboat--you forgot the C."

Explanation: We're treating "cabin" is a variable.

The integral of 1/x is loge(x).

However, since it's integration, you've got to add a constant.

So ∫(1/cabin) = loge(cabin) + c, or "a log cabin plus the sea."

3.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

Explanation: This is another hilarious reference to an infinite series — the harmonic series — which is not convergent but instead diverges to infinity. 

from n=1 to ∞   Σ (1/n) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/3 + 1/4 + ...  = ∞

4. Teacher: Are you good at maths?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at maths!Teacher: Are you good at maths?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at maths!

5. 

Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A: A high school maths problem! 

6.

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.

The physicist says, "The initial measurement was incorrect."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

And the mathematician says, "If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty."

7. 

"Isn't statistics wonderful?"
"How so?"
"Well, according to statistics, there are 42 million alligator eggs laid every year. Of those, only about half get hatched. Of those that hatch, three fourths of them get eaten by predators in the first 36 days. And of the rest, only 5 percent get to be a year old for one reason or another. Isn't statistics wonderful?"
"What's so wonderful about all that?"
"If it weren't for statistics, we'd be up to our asses in alligators!"

8.  

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Explanation: A vector is a mathematical entity with both magnitude and direction in any number of dimensions. You can take the cross product of two vectors to form a new vector, similar to multiplication of real numbers.

A scalar is just a real number, a directionless magnitude in vector space. You cannot take a cross product of a scalar and a vector. 

Hence, you can't cross a mosquito (disease vector) and a mountain climber (a scalar).

That is one terrible pun. I'm sorry.

9.
A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife's obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: "Do you love math more than me?"
"Of course not, dear - I love you much more!"
Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: "Well, then prove it!"
Pondering a bit, she responds: "Ok... Let epsilon be greater than zero..."

10.

"Sketching rational funtions is a pain in the asymptote!"